For those of you unfamiliar with fantasy sports, fantasy baseball in particular, there are different strategies in terms of crafting your team for the season. Some people like to make sure they stock their team with powerful hitters, which is why guys like Albert Pujols and Alex Rodriguez go early in drafts. Others prefer players that offer you speed on the base paths, hence early selections of players like Jose Reyes, or Alfonso Soriano. Still others like to get the best player in a weak position, making Chase Utley or Joe Mauer popular picks, and there are people that believe an Ace pitcher is the most valuable, making Johan Santana the player to pick first. Up until today, my philosophy has been a sort of combination of all the options above...but that all changes now. My fantasy draft is on Monday March 26th, and my first pick is going to be Ryan Dempster, the closer for the Chicago Cubs. Why would I choose to use my first pick on a player most fantasy sites don't even rank within the top 200? Because I just read this article. It's as simple as a kick to the head. How do you become the most valuable baseball player in the world? Become a baseball Ninja.
Think about it...Who WOULDN'T want to build their team around a guy training to become a Ninja? At worst, he'll be valuable in a bench-clearing brawl, with the nerve pinches, and throwing stars, and whatnot. At best though, he could become the most deadly (pun intended) pitcher in baseball. He could very well end up saving/winning 162 games. Sure...a curveball is hard to hit, but what if, instead of a curveball, you get a shuriken thrown at you on a 1-2 count? Chances are you'll gladly take the strikeout if it means you can return to the dugout alive. Maybe the umpire isn't giving him the outside corner, and he's about to walk a batter. A quick nunchuck to the ump's head, and he'll start getting those strike calls. Base runner leading off of first, threatening to steal? Like he wouldn't be able to use his ninja stealth to pick him off...please.
The only reason I hesitate predicting a Cy Young award for Dempster is the fact that his sensei is from Vancouver, a town not exactly known to be crawling with Ninjas, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. I haven't heard anything about Chris Carpenter practicing his skills with a katana.
With that in mind, I'm predicting a great year for the Cubs. The Central Division could very well be theirs for the taking (though it is the Cubs so you never know). The Cardinals' only chance of competing might be signing Chuck Norris to play Center Field.
Chuck Norris = MVPMost Violent Player
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