Friday, March 10, 2006

Sorry Yankees but I now have a new favorite baseball team


This may be the world's greatest invention.

The Donut Burger, which is a hamburger topped with sharp cheddar cheese and two slices of bacon, all between a "bun" made of a sliced Krispy Kreme Original Glazed donut, is being offered exclusively by The Gateway Grizzlies a minor league team from Illinois. It is being billed as "Baseball's Best Burger." I'd have a hard time arguing with that. ESPN.com has some details here.

My Hero

Wrestling + Jack Black = Absolute Bliss

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Goodbye Kirby


Love him (and there are a lot who do), or hate him (those who do are not without reason), Kirby gave Mattingly the nickname Donnie Baseball, and for that he gets Props.

We have so much to learn from these wise monkeys

Just imagine how much violence could have been avoided if George W. and Sadam could have solved this whole thing with a some heavy petting. Check the hippie chimps.

Friday, March 03, 2006

100% Kick ASS!


Hell YEAH!
Word to the motherland.

Of course you know Levy, this means war!


Thanks for the plug Levy...you're a sweet-heart.

Unfortunately, all of my really good pictures of you were taken pre-digital camera, so this will have to do for now. But lucky for you I have a scanner at home, and I am quite adept at Photoshoping.

Prepare to get served.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

What really bothers me about cell phones


It isn't the ringing in restaurants, or the fact that I have an even harder time finding excuses not to answer my phone or call people back, or that they've spawned the newest Stephen King novel, Cell, where cell phones basically turn people in to zombies (no I'm not kidding), it's that they've basically made the pay phone obsolete, and in turn, destroyed the need for collect calls.

On the surface, that might seem insignificant, but once you think about it, you'll realize what that really means, which is no more "10-10-220" and no more "10-10-220" commercials. It's been a while since these have aired, and most people have forgotten them, but where else on earth can we find the sublime perfection that is the pairing of Hulk Hogan and Alf. Those two alone should have been able to keep the collect calling industry afloat. If they couldn't do it, no one could. That, my friends, is what you call a tragedy.

That whole kite in a lighting storm thing is starting to make more sense...


"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
- Benjamin Franklin


"There's a fine line between genius and drunkenness
."
- Me

Gaze upon the majesty that is my family crest


How could you ever doubt the family Riley is not badass. There's a severed hand in the middle of our crest...A SEVERED HAND.

There is a story behind it. Here's the short version, at least as it's been told to me.

At some point in Ireland's history there was a boat race to determine ownership/rule of Irish land. The winner would be the first to touch land, and they would be given their choice of the countryside. During the race, one of the two competitors realized they were falling behind. Rather than lose the race, the competitor, a Riley, cut off his own hand and threw it to shore, allowing him to touch land first. He was declared the winner, and the rest is history.

Who knows if the story is accurate, or if my version is even the correct telling, but it's a pretty cool nonetheless.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

See you in a month hon...


Guess what I'm picking up today...

That should hold me over until opening day. Too bad I have to throw the box out. Damn you Ortiz!!!

Monday, February 27, 2006

Overheard in the office

"No self-respecting terrorist would hijack a plane from New Jersey"
-The annoying girl who sits in the cube across from me, on the phone with a friend who was nervous about flying.

PHEW!
Guess I'll be flying out of Newark from now on.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Why I'll never be a hipster


Although I do like being ironic, I'll never pull off the whole hipster thing because I don't wear glasses, and everyone knows to truly be a hipster, you need the hipster glasses. My vision does suck by the way, just not in a way glasses can fix.

I do read comics, which can be considered hipster-ish I guess, but I do it because I think superheroes are cool, not to be clever, so I guess that just makes me a dork.

And now we do the dance of joy....


Nuff said

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Doing Battle With Shrubbery



It has been brought to my attention that I haven't featured my wife in this space at all, so here's an image of her after she defeated the bush in front of our house during the blizzard of '06. I'm not in the picture because I passed out after having to shovel 2 feet of snow from our driveway. Some people would wonder why someone would decide to start gardening during a blizzard, but she felt like gardening and once she gets something in her head, you can't tell her otherwise.
Well done hon...the landscaping looks great.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Why I'm a Dork


How cool does THIS look?!?!

CIVIL WAR #1

Written by Mark Millar, pencils and wraparound cover by Steve McNiven, variant cover by Michael Turner.

The landscape of the Marvel U is changing and it's time to decide: whose side are you on? A conflict has been brewing in the Marvel Universe for over a year, threatening to pit friend against friend, brother against brother--and all it will take is a single misstep to cost thousands their lives and ignite the fuse! As the war claims its first victims, no one is safe as teams, friendships, and families begin to fall apart. Civil War, a Marvel Comics event in seven parts, stars Spider-Man, the New Avengers, the Fantastic Four, the X-Men and the entirety of the Marvel pantheon! Civil War -- the cross-over that rewrites the rules -- begins here in this double-sized first issue!

48 pages, $3.99, in stores on May 3.

I can't wait for May 3rd.

It's the most wonderful time of the year...


Pitchers & Catcher report today.

The darkness is lifting, and my life has meaning again.

Go Yankees!

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Why Jewish Food Scares Me


The stuff on the left, I like. Who can argue with a bottle of Vodka frozen inside a block of ice. The stuff on the right...not so much. That's Schmaltz.

Here's the definition from Wikipedia:

Schmaltz is rendered chicken or goose fat used for frying or spreading on bread. If rendered from a kosher slaughtered chicken or goose, it is kosher and hence particularly popular in Jewish cuisine.
It is gross.

(I added that last part).

Monday, February 13, 2006

How I Spent My Sunday

I love being a home owner. Shoveling is the coolest!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

The music may be getting too loud.


The time period between the beginning of 5th grade and the end of 6th grade was a treacherous one for me, and anyone in my school that showed any interest in popular music. If you didn't stay on your toes you could find yourself oblivious to the changing tastes of the crowd and end up admitting that you liked a band that was no longer cool, thus affecting your social status. I remember the band Poison flip-flopping multiple times between cool, lame, and cool again in practically successive weeks. If I remember correctly, they were first cool because they had a hit record, then they were uncool (even "gay") because they wore makeup. What type of band wears makeup? (We didn’t really get that whole “glam” vibe.) Then they were cool again because their most recent record had a cover that was banned for being vulgar. It could be dizzying keeping up with everything. Most of the time the decisions were based on practically nothing. Then again, I went to a school that randomly selected people to hate. I remember one time the newest target was picked for having an electric guitar. When in the history of man has owning an electric guitar been considered uncool? I guess the bottom line was few bands could stand up to the fickle tastes of snotty 11-year olds.

You would think that things would change as people got older, and in some ways they did as we all found more reasons to like or dislike people, whether it be clothing, degrees of sluttiness, the ability to solve for pi, or drive after 9:00. The social implications of music fandom weren’t as great, but certain assumptions would always be made depending on the music you listened to. Pearl Jam and Nirvana were middle of the road, over enthusiasm for heavy metal, goth, or Morrissey made you a weirdo, and the same for Phish or The Dead made you a poser hippy, although that was much more acceptable. If you wanted to be really cool, you would find whatever rap music the handful of black kids in our high school were listening to, and listen to that.

At college, music didn’t make as much of a difference unless you were trekking somewhere for a show. Basically as long as it didn’t interfere with getting wasted or playing Sega, and you could sing along with it while you were drunk, then it was ok. Unless it was a really nice day out, then you had to play Bob Marley out your window. That was the rule.

I'm now on the cusp of my 30th birthday and I just don't care anymore. I'm tired of worrying about my taste in music and defending what others think is lame. Worrying about stupid crap like that is exhausting and I have better things to do. You know what...I kind of like John Mayer. His music can be sappy, and so many teenage girls find him dreamy that they scream so loud you can’t actually hear him singing during his concerts, but he plays a decent guitar, his music is easy to listen to, and one of his songs reminds me of why I love my wife. The Barenaked Ladies may be uncool but listening to them reminds me of upstate New York, and their concert at my school was one the best times I’ve ever had at a show, sober or not. I don’t care about the genius of any of these new wave of bands that have come to save rock. Some of them I like, some of them I don’t care for, and a lot of them sound alike.

There's a line in the movie High Fidelity that goes, and I'm paraphrasing here, "It's not who you like, it's what you like." I guess, at this point of my life, I'm saying I don't care what people think about what I like. Some of what I enjoy is "cool" some is "lame" but I've lost interest in deciding which is which. I'd rather play Fantasy Baseball.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Courtesy in the Office Bathroom

Just a quick request for all those men out there that use the office restroom for twosies. If you work in an office with more than two stalls, and someone is already in there when you go to do your business, allow for the buffer stall if possible. Privacy in this situation is impossible, but we can all pretend, can't we?